Some reasons why nobody came to see your gig

Concrete Head @ Bridlington Leisure World 1995, only another 2000 people and we would have filled the place, sometimes it's not that nobody came, it's that you were over optimistic when choosing a venue.

I have read a few of these sort of blogs of late, largely because a few of my friends have finally lost the plot and started to promote extreme metal gigs, and ultimately lost money on ninety nine percent of them, thus resulting in them getting pissed of and posting comments on social media about apathetic audiences, or posting blogs posts not dissimilar to this one. So here is my two pence worth of hints, advice, insults and facts on the subject.

First of all, in all honesty, I wish your band would split up and fuck off. If I could fast forward your bands career to the part when you sell your equipment to buy a washing machine for your ambitionless baby machine wife then I would. More gigs for me. Or as a compromise you could start a wedding band and play polite quiet gigs of pop crap to knobheads, great. More gigs for me.